Are You Listening?
The importance of creating safe spaces for people to talk about their mental health.
I’m told June is Men’s Health Month and most of what I’ve seen about it has been regarding Mental Health, something that has a significant impact on the overall health of men (and everyone).
Every time the conversation becomes about Men’s Mental Health, a lot of messaging is about how men need to talk about their problems. Rightly so, however that very much puts the onus on the individual but that’s only one side of the coin.
If someone can get themselves to the place where they feel ready to talk, there also needs to be someone there to listen.
I’ve had people listen to me when I’ve struggled and I’ve also had people come talk to me when they’re struggling. Generally speaking I think the main thing I’ve done that makes people feel comfortable talking to me is being open about my experiences with mental health and that creates a safe space for others to talk about their own. The other, and I think perhaps the most important quality to have is to be good at non-judgemental listening, which is easier said than done. To listen without casting judgement on what you’re being told and focusing on the individual.
It also takes being present in the moment and not being distracted - rarely will a conversation begin like a GCSE textbook:
Hello mate, how’re you?
Oh not great, I’m actually really struggling with my mental health at the moment.
Sometimes the person may feel like they’re giving the biggest, loudest cry for help imaginable, but to the person listening, it might not seem like much. So there can be a level of detective work involved. It can be little phrases or sentences that seem unusual or a bit off. That being said you can’t make someone talk to you, it requires them to be ready. All we can do is cultivate that safe space and hope that if someone around us is struggling, they feel capable of coming to us with their issues.
Every time someone opens up to me, I see it as a privilege.
However building that safe space may take weeks or months, but it can be destroyed so much more quickly - the odd quip about ‘manning up’ or telling someone not to be so emotional can cause irreparable damage to the calming oasis we’ve tried to build. Something that may feel like banter to you, can sever trust like a knife through butter.
It would be remiss of me not to mention that being aware of our own mental health and bandwidth is also important. There will be times where we don’t have the energy or resources required to help someone with their struggles. We need not be like Atlas, holding up The World’s mental health. If you don’t have it in you that day, or a longer period of time, it is okay to say that to the individual and point them in the direction of other people who can help. This can be both professionals and friends. It takes a whole network of people to help with someone’s mental health.
I think there can be a sense of helplessness when you know someone who is struggling and you’re not sure what to do. The simplest things can be the best. A quick text to check up on them. Inviting them out even if you think they’ll say no. Lending a non-judgemental ear when you can. All of these things show you care and might be the start of them feeling like you’re a safe person to talk to. And wouldn’t it be a wonderful world if we were all surrounded by people we felt comfortable letting know when we aren’t feeling our best.
if you are struggling, there is help available:
Samaritans - Call 116 123 for free from any UK landline or mobile (even without a call allowance). Whatever you're going through, a Samaritan will face it with you. We're here 24 hours a day, 365 days a year
Andy’s Man Club - ANDYSMANCLUB are a men’s suicide prevention charity, offering free to attend peer-to-peer support groups across the United Kingdom and online. We want to end the stigma surrounding men’s mental health and help men through the power of conversation.
Mind - We're Mind. We won't give up until everyone experiencing a mental health problem gets support and respect.
CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) - We're the suicide prevention charity that provides life-saving services and practical mental health support to anyone who needs it.
Sane - We are an independent mental health charity aiming to raise awareness, improve services, provide emotional support and host research.